Why is my outside voice softer than my inside voice?

Lately I have found myself frazzled, short, and frankly frustrated.  My kids are getting older (as kids do) and have really started expressing their opinions and being very assertive, about (what seems like) every little thing.  Meanwhile it feels busier than ever and I am constantly barking orders. We are always moving from one thing to the next and my kids names even sound like commands when they come out of my mouth.  I am constantly reminding both of my kids to do this, to do that, and threatening them all in the same breath. It’s exhausting and gets me really wound up!

To top that all off, I am...a yeller.  Ugh...I really don’t want to admit it, but I am.  Over the years my kids have learned to tune me out.  Either that or they don’t care about the consequences of not listening to me or just don’t care period.  Whatever it is, day after day, I get tired of it and I yell. I used to yell because I thought it would get the kids’ attention, and kind of “snap” them out of their bad behavior.  But lately I yell because I am so frustrated and “over it” that it feels good, cathartic, to yell and get that bad energy out.

The really sad thing about it is that my kids are unaffected by my yelling.  Sometimes I get really mad and yell right at them, and they look at me right in the eye, and try to keep a straight face, but they entirely crack up.  Both of them look at me like I am having a tantrum (which I am) and laugh so hard they basically fall over. It is not funny to me at all and makes me even more mad and I usually storm off because at that point there is nothing left to say.  It’s funny because I think my kids think “oh there’s mom again, she’s in one of her moods” and then they roll their eyes and just bear it. 

This is not the effect I am going for.  I need to work on my anger management but I also need to ease up on the yelling.  It’s just not an effective way of communication. I need to release my frustration without yelling at my kids.  It doesn’t get through to them and it’s not the way I want them to see me. I just get to my boiling point faster these days and yelling is just the fastest reaction, but not the healthiest.  It’s a bad habit I need to break. I want to be a good example for my kids and obviously don’t want to teach them that they should be yelling all the time. It’s just really hard, I will catch myself midway but it just feels really good sometimes to let it out!