How big of a deal is it...really?

One thing I really struggle with as a parent (among many things) is how big of a deal to make something when it comes to disciplining my kids.  My approach has always been to go with my gut reaction, which is often times to nip something in the bud and make a huge deal out of it so that my child understands how wrong they are and that they should never repeat the mistake.  

I have found over the years that there are a few things wrong with my approach.  One, it is exhausting. Making a “big deal” out of every mistake your child makes becomes a constant theatrical show and I am no actress so it really takes a lot out of me.  Two, my “gut reaction” is often my instinctual reaction which is emotional and is not always logical. My instincts are usually to get very upset, yell, scream, and come down really hard on my child.  It can be shocking and upsetting to my kids and they could shut down and not listen. Three, when everything is a “big deal” it makes nothing a big deal. When I am making a huge deal out of not cleaning up messes, not sharing, fighting with a sibling, talking back, saying potty words, the list goes on, my saying anything just loses its effect.

I am a fiery person so it’s hard for me to control my temper.  Part of why I like writing so much is that I am much more methodical when I am writing than when words are spewing out of my mouth straight from my head with little filter.  The wrong things often come out! And once they come out you can’t take them back. I have lost my temper with my kids more times than anyone can count and have issues apologies to match.

I am working on picking my battles each and every day.  Choosing when to act like I don’t care or really just not care about the little things.  And really planning out how I want to approach my child when they have really done something that I need to address and help my child understand and change their behavior.

I anticipate that this will always be an issue for me.  I always think about how one little thing can lead to larger problems down the line so I want to fix and change my child’s behavior constantly.  But in reality it’s impossible and I want to really let the small things slide and focus on the things that really will matter. I hope that this helps my relationship with kids too.  So they don’t feel like I am constantly “on them” about every move that they make.