Independence is a privilege and a huge responsibility

My husband and I see the value in instilling independence in our children.  But for me, logistically, being the person who is with them most of the time, I get stressed out about watching my kids do things for themselves when it makes a mess that I know I will need to clean up.

My kids love being in the kitchen.  We want our kids to know how to cook and bake, and be comfortable in the kitchen.  And they are comfortable. However, what this means is any time I am in the kitchen (usually in a hurry) trying to pull together a meal or trying to savor some alone time in the kitchen, one or both of my kids pull up a stool and ask to help.  I prefer to have the kids in the kitchen on weekends or days when we are not in a rush, and where myself and my husband can be there to set them up with a station and help them along. But on days where I am just trying to get food on the table or trying to prep something before we head out the door, I don’t want the kids in the kitchen getting in to everything and making messes.  Half the time I shoo them away and tell them this isn’t the time; half the time I stop what I am doing, think of a project they can do in the kitchen (washing or cutting veggies, mixing something, or measuring things) and set them up to work on something, knowing that there will be a much bigger mess in the kitchen than I anticipated. The kids are always cheery and happy to be in the kitchen with me or my husband and I am usually happy they are there, but sometimes I roll my eyes inside thinking how much easier it would be if it was just me.

I also have issues with personal grooming habits.  I want my kids to be able to take care of their own personal hygiene and grooming because that will be their own responsibility as they get older, but it drives me crazy when they don’t brush their teeth well, brush their hair properly, or get dressed sloppily.  I find that sometimes I interject and will help them brush their teeth, wipe their faces, do their hair, and help them get dressed because I just can’t stand to see the way they do it. I do understand that I am doing them no favors and that I have to let them figure it out.  I still feel like their little bodies are an extension of mine and it’s my responsibility to keep them clean and tidy. But I won’t be able to do this forever and they need to self-monitor when they need to and how they should handle their own hygiene and grooming.

At the end of the day these little people are little citizens of the world.  I need to tell myself constantly that it’s our job as parents to set them up for success, guide and teach them habits and principles for the future, and then at some point, little by painstaking little, we need to let go. *insert ugly cry emojie*