Stop Should-ing on Yourself

*Please note this post was written pre-quarantine.

It seems like we may all be guilty of “should-ing” on ourselves day in and day out.  My internal dialogue has a constant script of “shoulds” that is on auto-repeat.

I should try to exercise more and be healthier.

I should plan better meals for the family.

I should cook more of a variety of foods.

I should spend more quality time with the kids.

I should spend more quality time with my husband.

I should spend more quality time with family and friends.

I should pay more attention to self-care.

I should work more.

I should be more patient with the kids.

I should keep the house more neat and tidy.

I should be more organized.

I should read more.

I should write more.

I should spend less time on social media.

I should spend more time outside.

The list goes on and on.  Does this sound familiar? Part of the “should-ing” on myself comes from my own internal motivations and desires to be more, have more, and do more.  I am of the mindset that things can always be better, even if things are fine or even good, I want to try to improve the things in my control. Also I am guilty of being influenced by social media.  If I see similar posts over time about the importance of self-care, the importance of spending time with my kids outdoors, the importance of keeping myself and family off of screens, etc etc it gets in my head and then becomes a priority that I strive for.  Nothing really wrong with that. But sometimes, the pressure is too much. I realize that there is just no way I can achieve all of the “shoulds”, and then those “shoulds” become failures which is not helpful and if anything is detrimental to my happiness. The “shoulds” become standards and demands that we put on ourselves that are unnecessary.  Maybe the “shoulds” are really “coulds” or “wants”? Then we can breathe a little easier and do what we can and what we really think is important.