Too much is not always a good thing. (A lesson learned from decluttering.)

So I have gotten bit by the decluttering bug.  I am sure I am not alone since Marie Kondo’s new show has taken off and has become so popular.  Funny thing is I read her book awhile ago. I did end up doing a purge and reorganizing of some of our stuff after that but then after a few months things just started piling up again.  I kind of forgot about being more thoughtful about what I was keeping and what I was buying. And I just started stuffing things back in to drawers. As long as we could fit things reasonably in the house, I thought we were fine.

Then I started watching her show.  I don’t know if it’s the personal stories, seeing the people and families, or watching Marie Kondo herself go in to these homes and help transform not just their messes but the actual people that really got to me!  After just one episode I called a “Decluttering Day” and my entire family spent a whole day, from dusk till dawn, going through our closets, dressers, toys, books, and even the garage. We filled garbage bag after garbage bag with items to donate and throw away.  My husband and I were both sore from just the sorting, packing, and carrying the bags! We managed to get through all of it. (There are more areas that need work but that will have to wait.)

After doing this I felt a sense of satisfaction for sure.  Things do look cleaner and neater. And looking at the mound of garbage bags (we totaled about 20) plus furniture and odds and ends, I could not fathom that all of that was crammed in to our house.  We have only been in this house for less than 3 years. We do deep cleans and purging several times a year. How could all this stuff have accumulated? I think part of it is that every time you purge and reorganize, no matter how cutthroat you are about what has got to go, there are some lingering items you think you love or will use and then you forget about them or they are no longer of use.  So when you revisit that item a few months or a year later, out it goes! Also, and this is a big one for me, you buy MORE stuff.

I am hoping that after this session of decluttering I will be able to really be more aware of what I bring in to our home.  I am a fast decision maker and when it comes to buying things I don’t hesitate too much. But I need to. I have come to realize that clutter not only takes up precious real estate in your home but it also takes up space in your mind and takes up your time.  And I could really use more of the latter 2. I would like to try to continue to simplify and streamline more things in my life. I want my and my family’s environment to be clear and uncluttered so we aren’t burdened by things we need to clean, move around, work around, and even to make decisions easier.  Now that my kids have less toys to play with they are more inclined to play with what they have instead of throwing everything out on the ground and then running to play with the laundry basket or empty boxes instead.

Clutter can be so distracting and overwhelming.  I am a person who loves variety and options. So this translates in to what I decide to buy and acquire for our home and for our family members.  But I realize that this can lead to just having too much, which is not always a good thing.

Routines, Habits, and Anxiety

It is the last day of Winter Break and I sit here with mixed emotions.  We had a really full holiday season and we were able to pack in a lot of time with family and friends and get some down time just the 4 of us at home.  I know come this evening, we will begin the rituals that need to happen to get the kids ready for bed early, prepare things for the morning, and then set our alarms to make sure we get started on the right foot in the morning.

I woke up today in a horrible mood.  I felt so anxious about it being the last day of “vacation” and felt sad it was over and stress over the schedule of the week that lies before us.  Don’t get me wrong, I really like routine. In fact a week ago I was looking forward to the start of school and getting back in to the swing of things.  But now that we are on the eve, I just dread it.

I like habits and routines.  And I tend to stick to them once they are set.  During break I fell off the wagon and woke up much later than usual, didn’t meal prep, we ate out more, and didn’t do things on a schedule and some days I felt so out of it because I didn’t know what we were doing or what we would do next.  There was ease to it since I wasn’t always the one deciding everything and it was actually kind of relaxing. So 2 weeks of that and now I am faced with needing to get back to my routine to make sure everyone gets to where they need to be on time.

I am a stickler when it comes to my checklist and what needs to happen.  That’s good most of the time because I can finish my day and know I was productive.  But I realize that this can be burdensome, stressful, and it makes me very inflexible at times.  I think that’s why I get anxious thinking about going back to our regular routine. Knowing that things need to be done at a certain time.  But some of it is also mental. And I add a ton of things that do not have to be done, because I have higher expectations than I should.

I notice it in my kids too.  They say kids thrive on schedules and knowing what to expect.  And I believe this and that’s why I have them on a schedule. But I can see that when they are with other kids they can be less flexible because they are so so used to how we do things.  I think I may be leading by example with some negative effects.

I want to have good habits and routines in place for myself and my family so we can all work together like a well-oiled machine.  But I also want us to be able to be flexible and change plans as needed when different things get thrown our way, we decide we want to change it up, or we are doing something with other people who just do things differently.

I love spending time with different families and talking to others to see how they run things.  It’s interesting to see what works for others. It seems that every family and essentially every person has their own set of habits and routines.  Some are just more strict and/or involved than others. I may be on the more intense end of it. It works for me and for us. But I do want to loosen the ties a bit and try to be more flexible and go with the flow, especially with the kids and when it involves other people.  But also on myself. Because with strict habits and routines comes great disappointment and the feeling of letting myself down if I don’t abide by the guidelines I set for myself. Food for thought!

What goes up, must come down.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas filled with all the joy and good cheer!  We had a fun and full Christmas with lots of different family gatherings and meetings with friends.  It’s always a good feeling to spread cheer and be merry with those you care about. It gives me all the warm and fuzzies.

But now that Christmas is over, I am itching to get all my decorations down!  We put up all our holiday decor the weekend of Thanksgiving and kept adding thing to the house (interior and exterior) every week.  Can’t help ourselves. Every year we add a few more things according to how we feel, so we end up storing more and more each Christmas.  It really adds to the whole experience of the holiday season I feel like when there are decorations all around you. We even have 2 Christmas trees, one for the kids upstairs (they can do whatever they want with it) and one downstairs that mommy and daddy primarily decorate and the kids sprinkle it with some of their handmade ornaments too.  I love soaking it all in every day. That is, until December 26.

When December 26 hits I am just ready to take things down, box it up, and put it all in the garage until Thanksgiving weekend of next year.  I know plenty of people leave it all up until New Years or even after, but I just feel like with Christmas once it’s over, it’s over. Time to go back to normal life.  I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the end of the year and start of the new year or because I have had the decorations up since November, or maybe I am just sick of looking at the same stuff?  Whatever it is I think it’s time!

I have a confession…I believe in Santa!

I have a confession, I believed in Santa until I was an adult.  Like after I graduated from high school! I know it sounds completely ridiculous but it’s true.  Now that I am a parent myself and am experiencing Christmas through my childrens’ eyes, I can truly see what a gift it was that I believed in Santa for so long.  

For whatever reason my parents decided that Santa was an important tradition and they were very serious about it.  They taught me at an early age that Santa was watching me and that I needed to be good to make his “Nice” list. Me and my sister made fresh baked cookies on Christmas Eve every year.  Before we went to sleep, we prepared a special plate with the cookies and carrots for the reindeer and a glass of milk and placed it by our fireplace underneath our stockings. And when we woke up there were bites of cookies and carrots left and half a glass of milk, and special gifts in our stockings.  It was one of my favorite Christmas memories. Sure this probably doesn’t sound different from many other people’s memories of Christmas. But it really meant something to me! And I wanted to believe it for as long as possible.

My sister is 8 years younger than I am.  So perhaps that’s partly why my parents kept it up for so long so that it wouldn’t be ruined for her.  My parents literally kept the Santa tradition going until I had children myself. Now I did realize it was them after high school because somewhere along the way I had to face the reality that Santa wasn’t “real”.  But I honestly believed in the magic of Santa until well in to my teens.

It was such a special part of my Christmas experience and childhood.  That childlike wonder and faith in the magic of Santa, his elves, reindeer, sleigh… the whole thing.  I really hope that I can continue this tradition for my own children for as long as possible. I realize that it’s so rare to keep it going for so long.  My husband says his parents really never did the Santa thing. But he does like the tradition and is as in to it as I am! (Thank goodness.) When we get older we lose faith in so many things when we are faced with “real life.”  So if I can help give my children more magic in their lives, I really would like to.

Is the gas half empty or half full?

When I drive I always have my eye on the gas indicator in my car.  For whatever reason I am so paranoid about running out of gas every time I get behind the wheel.  I am scared the car will just stop running, I am scared I will get stranded, I am scared of how I will get the car to start once it stops moving.  It might be helpful to know that this has never happened to me (fingers crossed). I have had other car troubles and have had to be rescued before, sure.  But my irrational fear of the gas running out has yet to happen.

My little habit is to get to a gas station when I see my gas tank dip down to a half a tank or just below.  If it gets to a quarter of a tank left, I am internally freaking out about it and will be late to wherever I am going to make sure I get gas.  And when I get gas, I always fill up. No questions about that. I’ll never be one to just get a few dollars of gas just to get above empty.

I realize that not everyone has this same method of handling their gas.  My husband has no issue waiting until he is empty, the gas light has already come on, and he has just a few miles left.  He also has never run out of gas on the road. Go figure.

My friend and I had previously discussed my gas paranoia.  I explained to her that ever since I was a teenager and started driving I always had to make sure I had enough gas.  If my tank wasn’t full basically I would get nervous about being on empty. We laughed about it. She, on the other hand, had no problems driving until her tank was empty and then would fill up.  She asked me if I would go to the gas station for just half a tank of gas and I said yes, all the time. I realize that this makes me totally gas crazy! What’s the point of filling up on gas if you don’t let it empty before you fill it up again?

This same friend told me (awhile later) that it happened to her, she ran out of gas on the road! And she was in a dangerous spot where cars were going fast.  She had to wait over an hour for a tow and a cop had stopped to help her (so thankfully). She had a big scare but thank goodness everyone is okay. A little rattled, but safe.

After hearing her story I almost want to carry around gallons of gas in my trunk (I realize this is not safe, so I won’t) and getting her some to put in her trunk too. I think that all the “what ifs” in life and the possibilities of things happening really get to me. I am one of those people that has a mini first aid kit in her purse all the time. I have extra everything in my car (resulting in such a messy car). I like to have backups of my backups. I guess it means I play it safe but I think that sometimes the stress and worry of the “what ifs” isn’t even worth it. Things happen and we will just have to figure it out and roll with it.

I think this basically translates to my living in fear all the time of something happening. That makes me sad because that’s not what I want. Ideally I would like to just do life as it is and roll with the punches. Not being worried about what’s always lurking around the corner.

I am normally more of an optimistic person when it comes to most things in life. But for things like gas in the car, I am a pessimist. But I think I may need to lighten up!

It’s all about the experience…

My husband loves going to the movies.  LOVES it. He loves the waiting in line on movie premier nights, sitting in crowded theaters for big blockbusters, the dark room, the big screen, all the previews, buttery popcorn in a huge drum, huge Icees, the huge speakers, and everything else that comes along with the movie experience.  He and his family would spend a full day going to the movies when he was growing up. A.FULL.DAY. They would movie hop and see as many movies as they could. It was how he was raised!

I, on the other hand, just don’t feel it as much.  When we were dating we spent a lot of dates at the movies.  We had plenty of movie premier nights waiting in long lines and I had a box of all our ticket stubs I used to keep as a keepsake.  For me it was fun to see him get so excited and of course to spend time together. But the movie itself just never really was all that exciting to me.  If it weren’t for him, I would go to one movie a year (maybe).

I actually do enjoy watching movies though.  But I prefer to watch movies on my couch, in my pjs, with a cozy blanket, and my own snacks. It’s my jam. It’s where I am most relaxed and comfortable. I also like to multi-task. I don’t sit and watch movies with my full attention. I’ll do my nails, be flipping through my phone or computer, look at a magazine, or be doing chores. Most of the movies I like are heavy on dialogue and less on action so I don’t feel like my eyes need to be glued to the screen.

There are plenty of people who absolutely love going to the movies, it’s an event.  Movie Pass has made a business on these people, some who would go every single day! I can’t imagine doing this but my husband got the Movie Pass and has had no problem going by himself in the evenings and watching a movie by himself with complete strangers.  On those nights it would be me and my Roku remote, stack of magazines or mail I need to sort, and popcorn from a bag. To each his own.

I think what it all comes down to is the experience and how the experience makes the person feel. We all need an escape. People like my husband feel an excitement and thrill in going to the movies and really immersing themselves for 2 hours in a completely different world.  People who are more like me enjoy more casually viewing the movie at home so we can continue doing whatever else we want at the same time.

It’s a preference!

Holiday Traditions- Don’t Treat a Gift Like a Burden!

I heard this idea on a podcast, that you shouldn’t treat a gift like a burden.  You can think of this in many ways. A tangible gift that requires you to do something that is “work” or takes a little bit of extra time.  Or a privilege that is a positive thing but requires some scheduling or planning (aka holiday events with kids). I get stressed out when it comes to the latter, especially around the holidays!  I know, so grinchy!

Around this time of year there are so many fun things to do to celebrate the holidays, whether you have kids or don’t.  To that effect there are also a lot of traditions you can follow or make for you and your family that can last for years to come.  I look forward to these things every year, but they also make me crazy!

I feel the need to cruise-direct the holiday season every year to make sure we do all the things.  Make all the treats, see the decorations/lights, sing the songs, visit the friends and family, shop and gift-give, and do as many holiday family events nearby that we can.  Maybe some of you do the same sort of thing. The kids have fun no matter what we do. We could be watching a holiday movie with popcorn at home or going to a community holiday event with crafts and Santa.  I always try to find more and more things every year (somehow more things pop up all the time), and I think it’s getting to be too much!

I get overwhelmed by all the options and everything sounds fun and too good to miss.  But I think I am missing the point! The whole point of this season is to spend time together, quality time just doing simple things.  Doesn’t need to be a lot of things, or far away, expensive, unique, or extravagant. Just things that are special to our family and that makes sense and feels right.  So I have been trying to cut down on packing our schedule with holiday this and that and just seeing how things go and asking each family member what they want to do.

We still have our family traditions (baking, visiting Santa, seeing holiday lights for example) but we don’t have to make a big event/day out of each thing.  This has been working better for us and we are still enjoying ourselves. I feel the pressure sometimes of making things “perfect” or as perfect as I can, but I need to be real, that’s not ever going to happen.  And then I am the one that isn’t having fun.

Time is a priceless gift that I am learning to cherish.

Meal Planning the Phi Simple Way

Meal planning may not be the most exciting thing to think about, it can be rather tedious, but for me it’s essential to keep things running fairly smooth during these busy school days.  I used to meal plan weekly. Every Sunday I would make a meal plan for the week and then prepare a grocery list based on that plan. It worked fine, but I would dread it every Sunday. More thinking, more decisions, more discussions.  Then my friend introduced me to monthly meal planning! She had been doing it for quite some time and told me it was great!

It seemed strange to me at first, almost unnatural.  How can you plan a month’s worth of meals for a family?  What if you don’t feel like eating that dish when the time came around?  What if plans change and the meal prep doesn’t work with the schedule? How do I grocery shop?  It seemed like it would require too much work to plan ahead like this. But after trying it and now executing it for 2 years or so, it’s been a lifesaver!

I have a magnetic wipeable monthly calendar on my fridge.  At the end of every month I write out the calendar and any major events that might impact dinner plans.  I then start filling in the meals. I personally don’t always fill in the weekends because we like to eat out, have leftovers, or visit friends and family.  I do allot for one meal on Saturday or Sunday that will yield leftovers for dinner another day of the week (a roast or soup for example). I try to have one chicken dish with a veg and starch, a soup or pasta dish, a beef/pork dish with bread or starch, and a seafood dish.  There are always leftovers for lunches or another meal. I make a big batch of roasted vegetables (whatever is on sale and in season) on the weekend and that’s one of the sides for the first few nights during the week and mid week I will steam or saute a quick veggie.

Having the monthly calendar on the fridge allows you to see what you are eating all month and you can adjust as you go.  I try not to have the same dish every week, in fact I try not to repeat any dishes for 3-4 weeks (just my own personal preference, I like variety).  Sometimes I will do themes for a whole month, for example: Asian food Monday, Taco/Quesadilla Tuesdays, Italian Wednesdays, Soup and Salad Thursdays, and Pizza/Sandwich Fridays.  This is what I did for several months when I was first starting out with Monthly Meal Planning and it made things easier.

It might seem a little dull to plan out family meals like this, but with busy schedules and kids, sometimes not exciting is okay.  I like knowing what to expect and grocery shopping is easier too. I can buy things on sale and store them if I know I will need it during the month for a certain meal (meats or dried food items for example).  With monthly meal planning I can choose meals that work with our schedule too. If we have an after school activity one night I will plan for a meal that doesn’t require a lot of assembly, something I can perhaps Instant Pot or throw in the oven during baths, or something I have already in the freezer that just needs a quick defrost and heat up.  If we are having roast chicken on Sunday night I can make chicken tacos with it on Tuesday or freeze the leftovers for the end of the month.

On the topic of freezing, I love to freeze things!  Much to my husband’s dismay. I keep a running list of meals/components to meals that are stored in my freezer on the magnetic calendar.  If I have marinated steaks in the freezer from last month I will use them next month for a meal for example. It’s my little safety net.

Do I stick with my meal plan all the time?  I would say 90% of the time. Sometimes if something pops up at the start of the week I may switch around meals if that makes it easier or if someone is craving something I may change it up.  But honestly, it’s rare. My whole family has gotten to the point where we are all used to this system and look forward to what meals are on the calendar!

I’d love to hear how your family meal plans and what ideas you would like to share!

A Tip: Calendar Blocking

I am a scheduling and organizing geek.  I love it, it makes me so happy. I wanted to discuss the topic of Calendar Blocking because it has been a game changer for me and thought it may help someone out there.  There are different ways and methods to Calendar Block, but after some tweaking this is what works for me.

I break down my Calendar Blocking day by day.  I have a monthly paper planner that allows me to look at the month-at-a-glance and also by week, with enough space to write in my to-dos and appointments in detail on each day.  I write big events on my monthly calendar (doctor appointments, birthdays, weddings, graduations, parties, etc) and on the weekly calendar I fill in the details and write what needs to happen on each day.

For some people that’s enough organizing and they can figure out how to get it done from there.  The problem is, is that more often than not, the time gets away from us and things pop up that we don’t expect and our to-do lists get longer than the time we have to do them.  The day, week and sometimes month goes by and things keep getting pushed.

In comes Calendar Blocking.  You look at the hours in your day that you have to work with and break the time in to chunks and allot what needs to be done during that time.  Monday through Friday here is basically how I calendar block my time:

5am-8am- go time (wake up, exercise, breakfast prep, school lunch prep, kids wake up and get ready and fed, shower, school drop off)

8am-9am- chores (laundry, dishes, breakfast and lunch prep for next day).  This is when I do any emails or phone calls that I need to make.

9am-11am- time with my daughter (reading, park, outside time, crafts).  If we have any appointments or outings/errands I do it at this time.

11am-12pm- lunch prep and mealtime

12pm-2pm- nap for my daughter and get ready to go pickup my son

2pm-4pm- after school (snack and play, homework, and after school activities)

4pm-5pm- pre-dinner (shower, piano and taekwondo practice, laundry and dinner prep)

5pm-7pm- family time (dinner, cleanup, family meeting on some days, show, playtime, chores)

7pm-10pm- downtime (finish with chores, make any phone calls I couldn’t during the day, spend time with my husband, blog, read, watch tv, prep for tomorrow)

This is just the bones of my Calendar Blocking schedule but it should give you an idea of how it works.  This is how my day runs every day. Whatever I know about and have control over I fit in to the appropriate block of time.  It helps me get more done and it helps me stay calm so that I know there is a time slot for everything I want to do. It also helps my days go by faster sometimes when I start to feel like the days are so monotonous.

This can work in a professional environment of course and probably would be really compatible with work deadlines and projects.  I didn’t know about this practice when I was practicing law but I think I would have benefitted from it. It’s not foolproof because we don’t have full command over everything that can pop up in a day or a week or a month.  But it helps over time for you to see how much time you really have and what you may not want to take on if you know you don’t have a slot for it. Try it and let me know what you think!

Sometimes I get Jealous

It’s not easy to admit, but sometimes I get jealous.  I know this is normal and we humans all get jealous, but I don’t like it.  What do I get jealous about? Well these days I feel the green eyed monster come out when I talk to friends who are working and who are achieving success outside the home.  This is absolutely not to say that I am not happy for my friends and so proud for all that they have done, but sometimes it makes me wish that I had some of that.  

I am a Stay-At-Home mom (SAHM) and have been for over 7 years.  I made that decision and pretty much never looked back. I have had the opportunity to do some contract work and some projects here and there but nothing that has had me working in an office since before I had children.  In talking with other people on this subject I often get the response that I could just look for part-time work or flexible work so that I could fill this void. This is an option for sure.

Without getting in to the debate about being a Stay-At-Home vs a Working Mom right now, it will suffice it to say that being a Stay-At-Home mom feels right to me for me, 100%.  However, I get jealous of my working mom friends. Sure I miss the interaction with co-workers, adult conversations, meetings, getting dressed up, sitting in an office with the independence to manage my own time, and contributing to society in that way.  But that’s not why I am jealous. After years of analyzing and over analyzing this, I realize I am jealous because my job, being a SAHM, doesn’t give me anything to show to the world for my achievements the way having a paid position does. Taking care of our children and managing the house requires work, I don’t think that’s up for debate.  However there is no title up for promotion, no skills that I can get a certificate for, and no across-the-board standards that I can tell someone that I have surpassed so that I feel some sense of accomplishment.

I should probably mention that I am a box-checker, task-er, to-do list-er, and a person who appreciates certifications and degrees.  I find great satisfaction in marking off boxes “done. done. done” and having an end goal be met and have something to show for it. The SAHM gig is rewarding in small and big ways, but it’s just not the same as putting on a presentation at work, winning a court case, wowing a client, or getting a promotion.  This is something that I struggle with and I wonder if others feel the same. I try not to think too much about it because it’s comparing apples to oranges, but every once in awhile it comes up and it makes me feel yucky inside. The jealousy comes and goes, it’s fleeting and is surpassed by how happy I am to hear about how well my friends are doing.  But what is left is my insecurity about not my actual job choice, but if I am meeting the right milestones and “succeeding” at being a SAHM.

Please Don’t Toss Me Aside

My son and I have a little after school routine.  Every.Single.Day. I walk across the street to meet him at the field behind his school.  I push my daughter in her stroller and wait for him patiently by the gate so we can walk home together.  Usually he greets me with a smile, I take his backpack and hook it on the stroller so he can walk freely, and we talk about his day and walk home.  On this particular day my son was watching a friend of his up ahead leave with his mom through the gate. I said hello and asked how his day went and he barely looks at me, throws his backpack in my direction on the ground and starts yelling for his friend.  He runs through the gate and after his friend. Without much time to think I grabbed his backpack and ran after him, afraid for his safety (there is a big intersection outside the gate). I scolded him on the rest of our walk home about leaving the school premises without me and for running ahead.  He got upset, said he understood but he really wanted to see his friend. He calmed down, as did I, and we went on with the afternoon.

A few hours later, my son started acting up when I was trying to help him with something and it set me off.  I have a bit of a temper and when I am tired, it’s much worse. My mind went to the memory of what had happened that afternoon and the image of my son just throwing his backpack at me and I got really upset.  I overreacted. I told my son he was very disrespectful and that he showed he cared more for his friends than me, and he didn’t obey our rule of staying with a parent on our walk home. My husband had him sit in his room and write a list of things that I had done to help him that day to help him understand how disrespectful and rude he had been to me after all the things I had done for him.  

He came back to us about 30 minutes later with a list.  By this time I had calmed down a bit and was ready to listen.  I don’t know what I was expecting but I was surprised. My son remembered that I had helped him find his dictionary to do his homework that day.  That I had sat and taught him how to look up a word and explained singular and plural word forms to him. He said that I played with him and watched him practice his martial arts.  It became clear to me that out of all the efforts I put forth to help him every day spending time with him was what stuck with him.  Admittedly by this time I was touched and we hugged it out.

I also realized how much I was overthinking this whole thing.  I kept thinking about how my son had tossed his backpack at me and ran away from me while I had spent time and effort to come and get him.  I thought he was taking advantage of me, not appreciating me, and putting his friends above me. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I know my son and he is a social little guy.  He wasn’t not thinking of his mama.  He was being impulsive and rash (probably got this from me) and acting on that without stopping and thinking about his choice.  We all do this sometimes. I think I make it about me more often than I should. He is a kid and kids make mistakes and it’s our chance to teach them and not take it so personal.  

I have already felt the positive effects of having this blog.  This space to reflect and get my thoughts out and in writing. It’s something I look forward to and has helped me rethink things in a more positive light.

Homemaker

My husband and I went to the passport office to renew our passports for possible future travel.  We took our photos, filled out the forms, and went to talk to the passport agent about next steps.  He looks over the forms and asked us a few questions one of which being my occupation. You see, on the renewal form there was a box where you were supposed to write in “Occupation” and “Employer”.  I didn’t give this a second thought when filling out the form and wrote Attorney and left the Employer portion blank. Here’s the thing, I am an Attorney and when anyone asks me what my occupation is or job is in person I usually say, “I am an Attorney but I am not currently practicing and I stay home with my kids”.  Problem is, I couldn’t fit that all in the few boxes I had. So I wrote “Attorney” and moved on. I explained such to the passport officer and he said “You need to write ‘Homemaker’ in the box then because they will want to know your employer if you write ‘Attorney’.” He was annoyed at me and seemed to think I was an idiot for not doing so in the first place!

I was a little bit shocked and didn’t speak for a few seconds.  Embarrassed I grabbed my pen and crossed out “Attorney” and wrote in “Homemaker” in the boxes provided and threw the form back at him.  He then continued on going through all the forms and steps. This bothered me for days! I don’t know why this occurrence really triggered anything because I don’t know this person and he really was just trying to do his job, but it really bugged me.

After thinking about it for a few days, among other things  I think my pride was hurt. Somehow it didn’t matter if I was a lawyer or used to be a lawyer.  I am not being paid to be a lawyer or practicing law anymore, so therefore my new title is “Homemaker.”  I think just hearing that title and writing it down like that just felt awkward to me. But in all honesty, I am okay with what it means.  If you look up the word homemaker, the dictionary says “someone who manages a home and family instead of earning money from employment.” Well look at that, it’s totally true, I am a homemaker!  And I like being a homemaker. I just don’t like what I think the negative connotation of that word is.  I feel like it makes me seem useless or something, purposeless. But on a day to day basis I am laser focused on my job and tasks at hand and don’t stop to think about it much.

I plan on writing more about being a Stay-At-Home mom and my thoughts on that in coming entries but I wanted to open up about this humbling experience. As much as I wish I was the type of person who didn’t care what people think (even random strangers), I am absolutely the type of person who cares a lot about what others think.  Starting this blog is a huge exercise for me in focusing on what I want, what makes me happy, what feels natural to me, and turning a blind eye to everyone else. Oh this scares me!