Mother’s Day Recap

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas out there!  I hope everyone had a special day, celebrated your own way!  This is my 7th Mother’s Day and I think it honestly was the best one yet!  Not because we did anything extraordinary or unique, but because I was able to enjoy time with my family with low stress and without expectations.

It’s hard not to have grand expectations for Mother’s Day when the media outlets and social media make it out to be a holiday that is to be celebrated with nice gifts, beautiful brunches, perfect family photos with fancy backdrops, and where mom is pampered to the max.  Then there are the the funny posts that say moms are scurrying around the day before Mother’s Day doing double the chores and errands so that she can “rest” on Mother’s Day. It’s funny but kind of true too!

We have tried all different types of Mother’s Day celebrations in my family.  Before kids we would spend the whole weekend visiting our moms and 3 grandmas, since I was not a mom yet.  After my son was born we would have meals out with the grandmas and visit with the great-grandmas and try to squeeze in a meal for our family of 3- our family day would end up being an afterthought because we were all so tired from the day before.  Once we had my daughter and became a family of 4, we started trying different Mother’s Day styles. We have tried the nice meals at restaurants and weekend getaways- for us they were nice in theory but very tiring and stressful with the crowds. We have tried spending a day at home and my husband and kids would cook all the meals- I always thought this was such a sweet gesture but it was so much work on my husband and wasn’t practical and kids needed to get out.  

After talking it over with my husband this year we tried it a little different.  My husband and the kids surprised me in the morning with french toast and fruit with some cute homemade decorations.  We decided as a family to go on an outing to the local zoo (not too far and not too big), my husband packed a picnic lunch and we spent a few hours there and came home.  I decided to make dinner and we invited my mom and dad over for a simple but comforting meal. My husband and the kids made a cake that we all enjoyed. We ended the night on the couch with a show.

I do not have any frame-worthy family photos from my Mother’s Day, but I have some really silly ones that make me laugh.  We did not go to a nice restaurant, but we had good food and spent time together. I did not lounge in bed all day or go to the spa, but the husband and kids did plenty extra.  Mother’s Day I realize is about showing your mom how much you care and appreciate her, but it is also about showing your family how much you care and appreciate them. They are what make me a mom and we form our family. So it was really important for me to spend time with them today without needing to spend a lot of money or going to crowded places (turns out the zoo isn’t where it’s at on Mother’s Day haha) or getting dressed up.  I know that each and every mom is unique as is their family. So on this Mother’s Day I truly hope and wish for each mother to have the type of Mother’s Day that gives you all the feels, and allows you to feel the love between you and your people.

What are you capable of?

This past weekend we went about our daily chores as we usually do.  The usual cleaning, organizing, and changing of the sheets. Normally my husband and I strip all the beds and my 7-year-old son helps take off all his sheets and blankets and loads things in the machine for washing.  Usually I or my husband will go back around and dress the beds with a new set of sheets and blankets. On this particular day we had a lot going on and by Sunday afternoon my son’s bed didn’t have his new sheets and comforter on it yet.

I was feeling frazzled with loads of cleaning and laundry to do.  I pulled out my son’s clean sheets and blankets and along with all his clean clothes asked that he put them away and I inquired if he could figure out how to make his bed from scratch.  I thought for sure he would fight me on it and say he couldn’t do it so that I could do it for him. I was fully prepared for the backlash since I had just given him mounds of clothes to put away (and he really doesn’t like putting away his clothes, go figure).  To my surprise he smiled and asked me which sheet went on first and then went off to his room for what felt like 20 to 30 minutes and then he came back and triumphantly said he figured it out. He asked for me and my husband to come check out his work and I nearly cried tears of joy.  My sweet boy had made his bed and he did a great job, probably neater than I would have done in my current busy state.

I don’t know why I never asked my son to do this before.  I’m not sure if it’s because I didn’t think he could do it on his own yet, or because I thought I could do it better or faster, or if I was just too lazy or tired to delegate this task to him.  But on this particular day I was just so relieved and happy that I didn’t have to do this task and that my son had done it for himself and was really proud of himself at that.

I am sure this is just one small example of a way that I underestimate my kids.  It’s easy for me to jump in and do things for them if I am afraid they will protest, if I think I can handle it faster or better, or if I think they are too young or too unskilled to do something.  It doesn’t hurt to let them try now does it?

Once a Baker not Always a Baker

When I was a little girl I got an Easy Bake Oven and I was obsessed with it.  It came with tiny pans and tiny mixes and I would make little cakes and brownies and make my family eat them (they were gross) and proclaim I was a little baker.  When I got older and my parents got sick of eating those gooey messes they let me try my hand in the kitchen. I would make muffins, cakes, brownies, cookies, cupcakes, and whatever else you could make from a boxed mix.  I had a lot of fun doing it and I continued to like to bake in to my adulthood. I loved to try new things and would get in to phases where I would study a certain baked good or pastry and make it for months and make people try them (I had a macaron phase for example where I had all these books I would study, and I went to all these bakeries to try them to compare mine to theirs, I had a cream puff stage where I would make them every weekend and tried to perfect them so they tasted like my mom’s, I had a scone phase where I would make a bunch of recipes that had good reviews until I found a recipe I liked).  I also liked eating baked goods of course but most of all I liked gifting them and bringing the baked goods to potlucks and parties for family and friends.

Fast forward to my mom life and I rarely bake.  I cook and I cook often because it’s a necessity and it requires no real measuring (well not the way I cook) and I can throw things together and it’s edible (not the same for baking).  I still loved baked goods and I like to eat and gift them but now I really just buy them. I just can’t spend the time to bake anything too complicated except for the birthday cupcakes for the kids or close family and what I call the “utilitarian baking” which is muffins for breakfast and banana bread when I have lots of ripe bananas.  What I used to make from scratch and spend time researching (cinnamon rolls, biscuits, scones, or even brownies and cookies) I either buy made or use a box or raw dough that I just put on a pan and bake. It’s not elegant and it’s not the quality that I prefer but it’s all I can handle right now. I don’t really enjoy baking anymore because it just takes more time than I am willing to give it and I don’t like the clean up.  It’s funny how life changes and what you used to find so relaxing and fun is just a chore. I have gotten plenty of enjoyment out of buying store-bought cookies and eating them! No shame in that.

Outfit of the Day

I was talking to some moms of my son’s classmates the other day about dressing our kids and what our individual approaches are.  My son and his classmates are in second grade and are 7-8 year olds. One of the mom’s said that her son picks out his own clothes for school every day and that she previously taught him rules about how to dress and choose an outfit.  At this point I was already reprimanding myself inside for not doing this. She said that she taught her son what appropriate clothes were for different activities and events (nicer clothes for outings, school wear, and clothes you can go to the park and get dirty in), to take in to account weather (the texture and weight of clothes along with layers and outerwear), and also fashion tips (if one piece has a pattern the other piece should not, if one piece is bold the other piece should not be).  I thought this was really smart. She said it takes her son a little bit longer on certain days to get ready but for the most part he had the hang of it. I was impressed.

So what is my approach?  Every week I go through my son’s clothes and look at the weather and I set out 7 outfits for each day and put them on hangers in his closet.  The night before I will verify that the outfit works with the weather and activity and he knows to go in order each day. He doesn’t fight it and really doesn’t seem to have any opinions either way about what I have chosen for him.  Our mornings are crazy enough as it is so I started doing this system to make it easier for all of us to avoid any delays. It works for us. I do the same for my daughter who has also gotten used to it and doesn’t seem to mind (she’s 3 though so time will tell).  The mom I was talking to brought up a point in our discussion that even though her son may take longer and sometimes he wears things she wouldn’t have normally chosen for him, he gets to make his own decisions, express himself, and learn on his own what is the right choice to make and will learn if he makes mistakes.  I think she is right. I am sure there will come a time when I will let go of this “control” and my son will choose for himself. It makes me a little nervous but for now my priority is to keep things simple and drama free so I’ll keep at it.

Cleaning Hack for Bathrooms

Cleaning the bathroom is not something I find enjoyable but it’s something that has to be done.  And in my house it’s something that needs to be done frequently. I will find any reason to put it off because the drudgery of it really gets to me.  I wanted to share a few ways that I make cleaning the bathrooms a little bit easier in case it might help someone else who also might find constant bathroom cleaning a challenge.  

One of the things I really dislike about cleaning the bathrooms is gathering all the materials (for the toilet, tub/shower, sinks and counter, mirrors etc) you need to clean the space.  And after gathering the materials, then going from bathroom to bathroom with all the cleaning supplies, it often makes me procrastinate. It’s just a drag. To try to take a few steps out of the process, I have equipped each bathroom with its own toilet plunger and scrubber, glass cleaner, toilet bowl cleaner, bathroom anti-bacterial wipes, all-purpose cleaner (for the tubs/showers, countertop, sinks, hardware, and everywhere else), and paper towels.  That way when I am already in the bathroom on any given day I will “attack” the bathroom with the supplies that are handily right there in the cabinet under the sink in each bathroom. For me this has been a big time saver and has streamlined the process of cleaning the bathrooms for me which is a game changer. I hope this is a useful tip!

Small Talk Can Make a Difference

I love small talk!  Is that weird? It seems like some people think small talk is annoying and just a waste of time.  I think it’s partly because I like to talk and also because I am so nosy and interested in the details about people’s lives that I find it so interesting.  I like to chat up my neighbors, parents at school, teachers, and people I don’t know well that I see frequently in passing. What do I talk about? Just whatever comes up.  The weather, random happenings, I like to ask people what’s going on with them and their families. If I don’t know them I want to know where they live, if they are from the area, what their hobbies are.  It’s so fun! If I see them again I try to remember these things and ask them about it.

I tend to remember people’s faces and details that they have told me even if I haven’t seen them for awhile.  But the issue is I don’t ever remember people’s names. It’s very embarrassing. You think that would stop me from saying something to someone I recognize at the store, but it doesn’t.  And surprisingly sometimes they don’t remember my name either (understandable because my name is not normal).

My husband thinks I go a little too far with my chattiness.  Sometimes I will be calling customer service for something and be on the phone with an agent and start talking to the person about where they live, about their kids, what their current weather is, and all this stuff and my husband will give me the *sign that I should get a move on and ask them my question and stop wasting time!  It is kind of silly when I think about it because I will literally try to talk to anyone that will talk back to me. People are just so interesting and more often than not seem to want to be talked to too.

I find it so refreshing when people I don’t know well ask me questions about myself, my background, and my family.  So I try to do the same when I meet someone or run in to someone I know. You never know what kind of day the person is having and if for example the person working at the store has had the worst day ever (try being super friendly to the Target check out person when you’re shopping over the holidays instead of grabbing your bags and jetting out) and just needs to feel like a human instead of a robot.  

I once was at Target grabbing some stuff and the check out person was really visibly upset and basically crying.  I thought maybe the lady in front of me was giving her a hard time so when it was my turn I asked if she was okay.  The check out person told me that someone she knew, a friend, just passed away and that the customer ahead of me was a total jerk to her.  I looked at her in the eye and told her I am so sorry for her loss and that I am sorry about what had happened with the customer. And asked if I could do anything for her?  Obviously I couldn’t do anything to help her but in that particular moment I felt like I had to say something. I didn’t know this person and she had just shared something so personal, I couldn’t just grab my bags and go.  She dried her eyes and thanked me and I gave her as comforting of a look as I could before I left. It really wasn’t much of an interaction but I felt so bad and so sad for that check out person. She was just a young girl who found out horrible news and was not able to focus on work at the moment and she ran across a customer who was in a hurry and not being very patient with her.  

Things like that make me really try to slow down and think about my interactions with people.  People that I know and love but also people I don’t know at all and may only meet for a brief moment just once in my life.  You never know if just one thing you say or do can make a difference.

It's not just me...nope it is!

My son was sent home with a field trip permission slip recently.  He was beyond excited about it and had been talking about it before we even got the form.  I happily looked at the form and marked the box to give my permission for him to go, and sent it off back to school.  The form had one sentence indicating that you wished or did not wish to have your student attend the field trip with boxes for you to check.  I thought the way it was phrased was a little confusing but marked the box I thought was appropriate and moved on.

Later that week when I was volunteering in the classroom I was helping sort the permission slips.  I came across my friend’s slip for her daughter and confirmed with her that her child was not going since that’s what I thought she marked.  She told me that her daughter was going and we looked at the form together and she showed me why she marked the box to indicate so. Another mother in the room said she also thought it was confusing but agreed with my friend in how she filled it out.  I thought to myself how could I have looked at that sentence and saw something so different? And was worried that my son would end up not going on this trip and would be heartbroken.

As I continued on with my sorting I got through the pile of permission slips and every single slip marked the box that I did not mark.  So I knew, I was literally the only one that thought the “I do not wish” box meant “I wish.” There was one child whose parent marked the same box I did but it turned out she in fact wasn’t going.  Luckily I found my son’s form and changed it and made a note to be clear as well that he was given permission to go. I was pretty embarrassed about my mistake and also a little concerned that I was the only parent who got it wrong!

It’s really interesting how people interpret things.  And interesting that other people knew it was confusing and agreed that it was not clear however when they had to choose a box they all chose the same box.  Except for me! Makes me wonder what else I have been misreading in this world...

The Joy of Giving

I know that for some people gift giving can be a little stressful.  Trying to find that special gift for that special someone is not always an easy thing.  Sometimes you don’t know what to get that person, you don’t know if the person already has the thing you are thinking of, you may have time constraints, and there is always a budget.  Gift giving is something I personally really enjoy doing. I like brainstorming gift ideas, I like browsing for gifts (online 95% of the time), and I like the act of giving the gift. It brings me joy!  I thought I would share a few of my gift giving strategies that may help some of you out.

I try to think ahead when it comes to gifts.  I keep notes in my phone for people in my life.  When they talk about something they really like I write it down, if I see something or hear about something that might interest them I write it down, or if I personally get something I love and think someone else I know might like it I write it down.  I make sure I schedule time to buy gifts (usually a week or 2 before a birthday, shower, event, etc) for the person to give myself enough time to shop around (usually online) so I can wrap the gift, return it if needed, or if I am sending it directly the person will get it before the event.

For kid birthdays I schedule a time to buy gifts as soon as I get the invitation to the party (usually a week before the event).  I also keep notes on what my kids like and what new toys and books are popular so I have a quick reference for their friends’ birthdays if I run out of ideas.  If I don’t know the parents or child well I will ask the parent sometimes what the child likes at the moment or what is on the child’s wish list. I have been having the kids make birthday cards with art supplies and stickers or sometimes I will look up a free online printable kids birthday card and print that out and I have the kids sign it.  Kids don’t need fancy birthday cards and it’s a fun activity for your own kids to do to prepare for a friend’s birthday party.

I do keep a stash of cards on hand for all major events (birthdays for adults, birthdays for kids, baby showers, bridal showers, thank you, get well soon, sympathy, etc) that I get at Target, Michaels, Walmart, The Dollar Tree, and the 99 Cent Store.  I also have an hanging gift bag organizer that I store gift bags in (yes, I do recycle my gift bags and buy a variety at the above-mentioned stores) along with gift wrap, tissue paper, ribbon, scissors, and tape so I have a “gift wrapping station”.

For Christmas I start a running list of gift ideas for my loved ones that I make a few months before.  I copy the list of people from the year before and add the ones I need to. Then whenever a gift idea pops in to my head I jot it down.  It makes it easier so that when there are sales during the holidays I can do all my shopping at once over a day or two and I already have the gifts outlined.

We all have moments when we just don’t know what to get someone.  For those people I will get the trusty gift card (to a favorite store or coffee shop), food gifts (everyone likes to eat), a subscription service, an experience (movie or event tickets), a pampering gift (a manicure, spa service, etc), flowers, or a fun coffee table book are some examples.  I try not to stress too much about getting “the perfect gift” because we all know that when we receive a gift from someone it’s not about the actual thing. It’s about the thought and care of the person who has given us the gift. So know that just your act of intentionally choosing a gift (whatever that gift may be, big or small) and giving that gift to someone shows that you thought of them and wanted to show you care.  That will most certainly brighten someone’s day.

New and Unimproved

In this very fast-paced world, I feel like it’s very hard to be up-to-date when it comes to owning the latest model of anything.  Companies are always coming out with the next big thing and the newest model is always the latest and greatest with more bells and whistles than the last (cars, electronics, appliances, beauty products, you name it).

I am as guilty as the next person following trends and being influenced but what everyone is doing and what has become popular and mainstream.  I think it’s easy to fall in to this trap. We live in a material world and sometimes I am a material girl!

I like to know what the new products are and if newly improved models/products become available my interest is piqued.  The problem is sometimes the new model is not an improvement of the older model, this is rare but it happens. I am not the best at researching the ins and outs before I buy something.  I pretty much assume if a lot of people are buying/using something and the reviews are good, it’s worth a shot. I learned the hard way with the purchase of my latest washing machine.

We have a front-load washing machine.  And I hate it. We bought it when we moved in to our home a few years ago because it was the “new style” of washer that not only looked more sleek and modern, it was touted to save water and was better for the environment.  It was energy efficient and seemed like an upgrade from the old-fashioned top loader. It was featured in all the ads, all the model homes had them, and when you walked in to the store they were always out front for you to see.  So I got sucked in.

Yes the front-load washing machine looks nicer than a top-load machine.  But it has huge issues from my experience. Our clothes are not as clean because it doesn’t immerse the laundry in water it just swishes it around with the soap and just a little bit of water, I don’t even think the soap is washed out properly.  The capacity is small, I have trouble with large blankets and towels. And the worst part is the plastic ring that seals the door collects water and mold. Gross! It has so many ridges and grooves it’s impossible to clean and dry out completely. It’s not made to be removed but we managed to get it out and we had to soak it in a tub of bleach and water to get the gunk off and even then it wasn’t 100% clean.

In doing research about this problem (I know too late now) many people on the online forums have complained about this issue with all different makes and models of front-load washing machines.  I even contacted a few washing machine professionals to replace the ring to which they responded that this is a very common issue and a problem with front-load machines, and it’s not worth spending the money to have them come fix / replace the ring, it will just happen again. They basically said wait until it breaks and replace the machine because it’s more cost-effective that way.

This really irks me.  We spent money on this machine and use it every single day, we depend on it.  But it’s become a huge annoyance and a high maintenance appliance. My husband and I have just decided to ride it out and when it gets really bad or it needs some repairs, we will replace it with a trusty top-load machine. How sad!

I am all for saving energy and water but in this particular case I don’t think it warrants all the unnecessary drama it is causing to use the front-load machine.  Modern machines and technology bring so many new conveniences to make our lives easier and better, but the front-loader isn’t one of them. Sometimes new does not mean improved.  There’s a reason some things are tried and true.

On Demand

When our 7-year-old son was just a baby, my husband and I made a strategic move to cut the cord on our cable TV.  It’s funny looking back now, because before kids we had the full cable package with the extra channels and DVR (Digital Video Recording), so it was pretty sweet.  After having an infant we realized real quick that casually watching TV was not going to happen and cable was expensive. We opted instead to subscribe to Netflix and Hulu (and later Amazon Prime when it became available).  It was a good decision for us. We have never gone back.

The upside of not having cable TV is that we are saving money and in a way saving time.  We don’t wait around for our shows to come on and we can watch what we want when we want, we just pull it up.  It’s fantastic. The interesting thing about it is that our kids also get to watch the shows we let them watch when we let them watch.  

When I was a kid I watched after school shows, weekend morning cartoons, and the Friday night lineup when I got older.  My sister and I would park ourselves in front of the TV with our blankets and snacks and just watch show after show and the commercials in between.  It was a part of our schedule and we knew when “our shows” would be on and planned accordingly.

The kids these days don’t have this same experience.  I like that my husband and I can choose exactly what shows and movies we let our kids watch.  But I realize that it also means our kids don’t always watch the same shows as other kids and may feel a bit left out if other kids at school are talking about a show or characters they don’t even know about.  TV isn’t “mainstream” like it used to be, there are so many shows and networks, not just the basic channels we had when we were kids. Our generation of parents are very aware of “screen time” so kids don’t seem to spend as many hours in front of the TV as I remembered doing either.

It’s funny to me too that my kids don’t know what commercials are.  Their exposure to commercials is very little. In a way I am glad because they aren’t exposed to the constant toy commercials that I remember watching as a kid and always hooking me in to wanting and needing the hottest toys.  But I find that my kids are very impatient. At my parents’ place they have cable and they love to let the TV play in the background. Our kids get so bugged by the interruption of their show or movie when a commercial comes on.  They ask if we can fast forward or skip through the commercials and we have to explain to them what commercials are and that they are normal. They don’t get it! I can’t imagine if they had to wait a week to watch their favorite shows.  I can’t believe I used to!

Separate But Equal

The time has come to sign our 3-year-old daughter up to start preschool this coming Fall.  She will be 3 years and 8 months old when she starts, born in December she will be one of the older kids in her class.  Our 7-year-old son is one of the youngest in his class, he was born in August. Our son started preschool right after he turned 2 years old and was potty-trained.  Our daughter only recently became potty-trained.

Our son had a really good experience with preschool.  He didn’t have a sibling until he was 4 so the interaction with other children was invaluable.  He learned the basics in reading, writing, math, along with art and social skills. His school had farm animals and reptiles which he loved.  The teachers were loving and nurturing. We were so happy with that preschool that when I was pregnant we were sure our daughter would go to the same school.

Then we changed our minds.  Our son goes to elementary school across the street from our home.  As I mentioned before in a prior post, I walk him back and forth every single day. The preschool we so love is across town about 20 minutes away, and would start an hour and a half after my son starts school and would be 3 hours.  This would give me 2 hours to do whatever I needed to do before I headed back for pickup. To say that the schedule, time constraints, and drive isn’t a huge part of our decision not to have our daughter go to that school would be a lie.  It’s kind of a big deal and a huge consideration.

So where is my daughter going to go to preschool?  She is going to go to preschool at my neighbor’s house next door.  Yes, next door. When we bought our home we had no idea that there was an in-home preschool next door.  And we didn’t know that many families in the community were on the waitlist to start. I put my daughter on the waitlist when we moved in when she was a few months old just to have the option, thinking we would still have her go to my son’s preschool.  My neighbor, the preschool teacher is a wonderful person, very warm and kind. I trust her and have gotten to know her over the years I have lived here. I have seen the children at school and have observed the school, and have seen first hand what a fun and positive environment it is for the kids.  

Why did we decide to have our daughter start preschool later than our son?  Our daughter will essentially be starting preschool almost 2 years after our son.  Our son as I mentioned before didn’t have a sibling when he was 2 and we wanted him to be able to socialize with other kids and we thought it would be fun for him to be in school (and it really was).  Our daughter was born in to kid-world with automatic friends. She was going to preschool and kindergarten drop off and pick up as a baby. She started going to all of her brother’s playdates and birthday parties as a baby and seemed to just always be surrounded by kids.  So the socialization wasn’t an issue. I also selfishly wanted to have some alone time with my daughter while my son was in school. Having spent so much time with my son before our daughter was born I wanted to try to give some extra attention to our daughter before she started school because she is always having to share time and attention with her brother.

All in all this decision makes sense for us and feels like the right thing to do.  I do feel a little guilty taking the easier way out for myself but I also want to conserve some of my own energy so that the kids get a happier mom and not a rushy-frantic mom who is always scrambling to get them places or pick them up.  I want to be fair and give each child “the same” thing but at the same time they are different people and situations and circumstances change over time. I don’t know if we could ever give both kids “the same” exact experience and probably shouldn’t struggle to do so.

I am a mom but also a daughter.

I just got off the phone with my mom and we had an argument.  This happens a few times a year, tensions are high, we disagree, and it blows up.  Sometimes it is during a big family event, a family crises, over a holiday season, and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.  This one came out of nowhere.

I have been trying to organize a family trip with my family, my parents, and my sister and her new husband.  It has been a little challenging trying to juggle schedules and travel preferences, harder than I anticipated.  I had finally narrowed our choices down and thought we had some good options and wanted to discuss it with my mom.  I should’ve known how it would go down based on past experience.

My relationship with my parents is complicated.  I would say that my family is tight and close-knit however sometimes it’s so tight it can feel suffocating.  We live close to my parents and see them often, which is a positive thing and especially wonderful for the kids to be near grandparents.  What happens is is that there aren’t many secrets that I can keep and my parents know our business and don’t hold back on their opinions.

Growing up my parents did not want to be our friends.  They took (and still take) their role as parents very seriously and that meant they had the responsibility of making sure we didn’t mess anything up and make any of the mistakes that they made in their lives.  They always say they want the best for us and want so much more than what they had. And for that, I appreciate and love them so much for it.

However, the relationship we have gets strained sometimes because I am a people-pleaser, more specifically a parent-pleaser.  When I was younger I tried my best to make decisions that would make them proud. They were very clear as to what their expectations were for myself and my sister, and if I ever made them upset or disappointed I took it pretty hard.

Fast forward to life as an adult.  And things change. I started to see the world through my own eyes and I started wanting different things for myself and my life.  When I got married and we started a family I had a very different vision for how I wanted things to be, than my parents. And so every so often this difference of opinion comes out in a comment or discussion and then once in awhile it escalates.

But here’s the thing.  I always want for my parents to understand my life choices and approve of them.  I know that there is no changing them and we need to agree to disagree and find a way to live in harmony.  I think what I want is too much to ask. I know in my heart why I have chosen to take a certain path in my life, and why I have made the decisions I have, but it still makes me sad that my parents don’t approve and that they worry that I have made some terrible mistakes.

It’s hard being a grown up.  I have children of my own, and a family of my own.  But when it comes to my parents I am still a kid. I am a kid in their eyes and I myself feel like a kid when I am around them.  I question my own judgement and seek approval.

I don’t think there is a solution to any of this but I hope that over time we can find some middle ground so it isn’t something that is always looming over us.  It makes me defensive and I respond to my parents in ways that I don’t like. I get very sensitive over things that are not a big deal because I have already worked it up in my head that they are always not trusting me.  

The way I move past it when we have disagreements is to remind myself at the end of the day we are family, we have each other’s backs, we may not see eye to eye on everything but we are all human and that’s to be expected.  I just need to make my own decisions and keep moving because you can’t please everyone.

Table for 1

I have never eaten at a restaurant or any type of casual dining establishment by myself.  It never occurred to me that this was unusual until other people told me it was!

I don’t know why but something about eating at a restaurant by myself is just not appealing.  There have been plenty of times I have ordered food somewhere and taken the food home to eat, eaten it in my car, or eaten it in a coffee shop while I worked or studied.  But that’s the extent of it.

I tend to pack food for myself if I have time to plan it out so needing to grab food when I am alone is rare.  But when I was a student and when I was working there were times I would need to get myself food. I always found it very annoying to have to stop what I was doing to go find myself food (hence I usually packed myself something, plus I eat fast when I am alone).

I do like eating out and in restaurants but to me that is almost entirely a social experience.  I like to have a meal at a restaurant with my husband, my family, or friends so that we can spend time together and enjoy a meal together.  It’s not something that I think I would enjoy by myself. It doesn’t seem relaxing or fun. It seems awkward and strange!

I don’t think it’s weird to see people eating alone in restaurants when I am out though.  And I also enjoy being alone and being out and alone. But just not sitting down and eating by myself.  I eat by myself at home all the time and find that relaxing. Maybe it just seems like too much effort to me to go out to a restaurant just to feed myself?  In any case just one of those “never have I ever” things. Maybe one day I’ll try it. Maybe….

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

This winter Southern California has been getting, dare I say, “a lot” of rain.  I realize that this is completely relative and that our winter is still extremely mild compared to other parts of the United States and the world.  But normally where I live we have sunny winter days. We would get a few days of rain here and there with the showers coming and then going after just a little while.  A full day of rain is very rare and rain that lasts for more than one day at a time is even more rare. So because of this natural weather pattern, I am just not used to feeling “cooped up” during the winter.  And it’s affecting my mood.

We have had a few really rainy weeks down here.  Not showers but rain where it seemed like someone was pouring rain down out of the sky.  Lighting, thunder, the works. I think mother nature is helping us out because we have been in desperate need of rain for some time now, water here is a little scarce.  But we Southern Californians are used to t-shirt and flip-flops weather and even being able to go to the beach on a cool winter weekend if the sun is out. It sounds almost too fake to be true, but it’s true!

It doesn’t help that I am a little weather-forecast obsessed.  I ask Alexa and Google multiple times a day how the weather looks for the day and the rest of the week, just so I know what’s ahead.  If I see rain I am already getting grumpy. If it’s more than one day of rain I start to feel a little panic. I suppose if I didn’t have kids I might think rain was quaint and cozy because I could snuggle up on the couch with a movie or a good book.  Maybe… but I think it might be that I just like seeing the sun in the sky and feeling the rays on my face. I have never lived in any other place before but I have heard that there is seasonal depression and on a very minor scale I think I get it.

There is something very promising and optimistic about seeing the sun come out.  Even if the temperatures are low and it’s freezing outside it still looks beautiful outside and I want to go and take a walk.  I have been hearing people here and there say they love the rain and they’re so happy we are getting so much rain. But I quite honestly am not so in to it.  I am happy we are getting the water we need but I kind of wish it would stop so we can go outside and play.

Let's talk dirty.

So this is a story that I honestly would never think I would be telling.  Kids do and say the darndest things, for sure. And they definitely surprise you and keep you on your toes.  This particular incident had me in shock for days. I had to really digest it before I could write about it and share it with people.  I hope if anything you all will find it funny.

I am a bit of a micromanager when it comes to my kids, and maybe all things.  I have a schedule set up for the kids each day. One of the most predictable times of day is bath time.  When they were younger I would bathe my kids together in our master tub because it was easier that way. Now that my son is older (he’s 7) we still have the same bath time but my son takes a shower in the master bathroom and I give my daughter a bath in the tub right next to the shower.  Up until about a year ago I would still help my son shower. I would help soap him up and he would rinse off. Then I started letting him do it himself and he proved to be capable (or so I thought). I would bathe my daughter in the tub and then tell my son to lather his head and then shout out the body parts to make sure he was clean and he would hollar that he got all the spots.  We stopped doing this after a month or so because it was clear he knew how to do it, and we both got tired of it.

As I was saying my kids all shower and bathe in our master bedroom because there’s more room and right now it works out best for us.  That means my husband and I use the same shower my son does. I was noticing last week that my daughter had emptied a huge bottle of 3 in 1 soap but my son hadn’t asked me for a new bottle in awhile (he uses the same 3 in 1 soap and usually goes through it so fast because he uses a lot of soap and plays with it in the shower as well).  I remembered to check the soap bottle on one particular day to see how much was left in case I needed to get him a new one, and it was basically full. How could that be? I had given him this soap bottle long ago and my daughter had already finished hers and they take the same amount of baths. I chalked it up to my memory or that my husband had replaced it for my son and I just didn’t know about it.

The next day when my son was showering and I was bathing my daughter I looked over at my son who was just standing in the water.  We had gotten to the point where I wouldn’t even look over at him anymore because he had been showering on his own for so long so I would focus on getting my daughter bathed quick so we could be done.  I asked my son what he was doing and told him to get soaped up. Then I casually asked him why his soap bottle was so full when his sister had emptied hers and if he had been remembering to clean himself with soap.  My usually very talkative son was quiet. Then I got nervous. I asked him again if he had been using the soap during his showers. He slowly said that he did most of the time for his head. After further prodding he said that he wasn’t using the soap at all most days because he liked to play in the shower and would get distracted and forgot or couldn’t be troubled with it.  I asked him how long this has been going on and he said “about a week.” My son has no real concept of time so a week could have been 2 weeks, a month, who knows. All I know is that I stopped checking in on him during his showers awhile ago.

I was absolutely mortified and mad.  Mad at him for not doing what he was supposed to but mad at myself for not just checking with him during his showers to make sure he was doing it right.  These types of things leave me so puzzled. I want to give my children independence and opportunities to make choices and do things for themselves as they get older.  But I also want to do what I can to guide them and prevent them from making mistakes.

Since that day I have been giving him reminders about his showers and he really gets annoyed.  He doesn’t want to be reminded by me because he is a big boy. But I can’t help myself now. Forgetting or choosing not to do the simple things makes me nervous he will skip the big things too.  Eventually we will get back to the point where I will stop saying anything and he will do as he chooses. I sure hope he decides soap is a friend not foe!

Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

Over Winter Break we decided to go as a family to see the movie “The Grinch.”  From one of my previous posts you already know that I don’t prefer to spend my time and money on going to see a movie in the theater.  But this movie looked cute and everyone else wanted to go so in the spirit of the holidays I sucked it up and we went.

Before heading out to the movies I decided to make the kids lunch to pack for the movie.  The movie was going right through their lunch time and I didn’t feel like spending more money on random movie theater food.  I cut up some fruit and made some quick quesadillas and called that a lunch.

We got to the theater with about 5 minutes to spare.  I had a cold bag full of the lunches I had packed for the kids.  When we got inside the theater the person receiving tickets asked what was in our bag.  I told her that we just packed some food for the kids and drinks. She asked what kind of food and I told her.  She said it was a no-go and we could bring the drinks and dry snacks but no food made from home. I was very annoyed!  

My husband and son went quickly back to the car to put the fruit and quesadillas away.  When my husband got back where I was standing with our daughter I asked him if he put the quesadillas in his jacket/pants pockets (because we had discussed this as plan B in the car).  He whispered to me that our son (he’s 7) saw that he had tried to sneak the quesadillas in his pockets and said “Dad! You can’t do that. You aren’t following the rules. She said no food!”  So my husband, trying to set a good example, put one quesadilla back in the car. Trying to appease me (because he knew I was annoyed) he did sneak one in his pocket without my son seeing. (Take that Regal!)

Honestly, I wanted to try to get my son to understand the reason that rule was in place (safety and liability reasons) and why the woman who worked at the theater had to follow the rules even if she didn’t think it was a big deal (she seemed to want to let it slide but the theater was so vacant she probably thought management would see her).  This is where it gets tricky! We teach our kids to follow rules. To follow our rules, the rules at school, and public establishments. But I am absolutely guilty of bending the rules and outright breaking them if I see fit. (Insert lawyer jokes here.) Sometimes I feel bad about it, sometimes I do not. If I think that the rule doesn’t make sense in a particular situation and that my reasoning is more logical, sometimes I just do it.  But to be called out by your kid for doing it...what then? Do we teach them that they should follow most rules but use their discretion to decide if the rule makes sense? Is that too much to ask of a child? Why should they follow rules if their parents don’t? I struggle with these questions.

We ended up splitting the smuggled quesadilla and the kids ate it in the dark in the theater with their huge bucket of popcorn.  My son didn’t question where the quesadilla came from, I suspect he forgot about it or was too distracted by the movie to care at that point.  In any case, I got out of this one, Phew! This happened a few weeks ago but it still kind of haunts me. I know this is just of many instances where something like this will come up. I want to set a good example for my kids.  But sometimes I break the rules!

Outsourcing: And Why I Do It.

It has become more and more apparent to me (especially after having kids) that time is a limited commodity.  There are 24 hours in a day, and not one person on earth has any more of it than the next person. It has also become painfully clear to me that if you choose to do something with your allotted time, you are (even if you are not aware of it) choosing not to do something with that time.

We all make little decisions every day regarding what we choose with our time.  If we choose to sleep in, we are choosing not to go to the early morning gym class.  If we choose to go out to dinner with friends, we are choosing not to do the list of chores waiting at home.  If we choose to go to the park with our kids, we are choosing not to work on the long list of emails waiting in our inboxes.  There’s no right or wrong, it’s just a fact of life.

There are two major things that I have chosen to outsource to help “give me back” some more time in my days.  These are two things that I think have made a difference in my efficiency and my overall happiness. They are: online grocery shopping and delivery and using a housecleaning service.

I used to enjoy taking trips to the grocery store several times a week.  I would go when my son was in preschool or I would take him with me as an “outing.”  If I went alone I took my time and perused the aisles. If I took my son we would play games and make a whole morning out of it.  Then I had my daughter and things got a little chaotic. It was a lot harder bringing the two of them to the grocery store and harder to actually find a good time to do so.  It wasn’t enjoyable for me anymore and I was forgetting items or impulse buying things resulting in our spending more money.

Then we started using Instacart.  I was nervous to hand over the task of grocery shopping to complete strangers.  I liked to pick out my produce and look at all the new items at the store. But I got desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures.  At the end of the day we just needed supplies and we needed to eat! Our produce is not always perfect and sometimes our shoppers can’t find what we need but hands down the grocery delivery service has been pretty amazing.  I am able to shop 3 grocery stores at a time, which covers all our needs. Everything gets delivered when I want it to be (I just schedule it). We are saving money and I am not forgetting items we need because I make a list throughout the week and stick with it.  I have given our family back a half a day a week by using this service. Sure we do market runs (ahem Trader Joes) when we need to and the kids have fun. But it’s not for a huge load of groceries we would otherwise HAVE to be conquering every week. So it’s rather pleasurable just to shop for fill-in items!

We also use a cleaning service once a month.  This does not mean that I can get away with no cleaning. We clean and tidy quite often, especially our floors, kitchen and bathrooms (they get yucky).  But it’s fast and not thorough, just a surface clean. In order for us to deep clean the house the way the cleaning service does from top to bottom would take us double the time and I don’t think we could do it as well.  And…let’s be honest...it’s not always what we want to be doing. Sometimes cleaning is therapeutic. But sometimes it’s a huge pain. But it’s something that has to be done. So outsourcing to a cleaning service has also saved us some time and some sanity!

We Are Family!

A few months ago, our family started having Family Night.  We do this at the start of the week, usually Monday evening after dinner.  My husband and I decide ahead of time (usually just earlier that day) what topic we want to discuss and both of us look for a kid-appropriate story, a coloring page, a game or a worksheet online that illustrates the topic we want to discuss.

We started doing this as a way to address issues that we thought were important in a more light-hearted way, to make it fun, but also to get the kids comfortable with having family discussions about all sorts of topics.  To give you an idea of some of the things we have covered, here are a few examples: My Fears, Self-Control, Sharing, Fairness, Being a Good Friend, Honesty, Strangers, and Chores.

We wanted it to be something easy on us as parents so we don’t spend a lot of time preparing.  We choose our topics based on how the kids are behaving the week before and if we see any issues pop up that need addressing.  Sometimes it’s something at school or even in the news that alert us to the importance of talking about a certain thing. We ask the kids for input too.  With a quick google search we have been able to get free materials on pretty much any topic we could think of and the kids seem to enjoy it. We also pair it with a special dessert which helps!

Our older child is 7 and will be 8 this summer and we want to make sure that our line of communication is as open as it can be.  He will be in middle school before we know it and the reality is that there will be things that come up that we may not be prepared for.  So it is our goal to make it as easy as possible for our kids to talk to us and to each other about their lives and their feelings and not be afraid.

We hope to keep this tradition going (or some form of it) as the kids get older.  It isn’t a huge effort on our end and it’s nice to have some down time together as a family during a busy work/school week.  I wanted to share this idea in case another family out there might want to try something like this too!

You’ve got talent!

The other day my sister came over to hang out with the kids (as she does on a regular basis...it’s the best!).  The kids decided to show her some of the things they got from Christmas and they wanted her to play with them. One of those things was an LCD writing tablet that Santa had brought them.  I wasn’t paying too much attention to what they were doing because I was too busy doing chores (hey, when they are occupied, must attack the chores) but towards the end of her visit I was cleaning up and saw the writing tablet.  I picked it up and knew right away my sister had used it. There were beautiful flowers drawn on the tablet, so detailed and so intricate. I picked it up and said something like “Did you do this? It’s so nice!” and she replied without really paying any attention to it, “Yeah. They are the flowers from your ottoman.”  I looked down and sure enough she had drawn the really complicated looking flower pattern from my ottoman on to the kids’ tablet. She must’ve drawn it in just a few minutes, what I never could’ve drawn in my life! (I am absolutely positively horrible when it comes to drawing anything. My poor kids and neighbors have seen my pathetic chalk art enough times to know that my repertoire includes a sun, happy faces, hearts, boxy houses, and stick figures.)

You see, ever since my sister was a kid, she has had a natural talent for drawing and painting.  She did it with ease, and for lack of a better word her stuff was always so good.  So realistic.  So detailed and artistic.  I noticed it when she was just a toddler.  I am 8 years older than she is so I did a lot of babysitting.  So I would draw my little stick figures for her and she would sit along side me and draw real people!

The funny thing is I think because drawing and art come so naturally to her, I am not sure she realizes how good she is.  I mentioned to her husband, my brother-in-law, recently that he surely must know what an artist my sister is. And he seemed surprised!  He said he didn’t really know that she drew. If I had half the talent that my sister had I would be drawing on my walls, top to bottom, every single day.  But I imagine to her, that drawing is just a part of her. Not something that she sees is even a talent!

It makes me wonder if there’s a little something special in all of us that we don’t recognize because it’s so innate in us.  Something that is a part of us and it comes out with such ease we don’t realize it is what makes us special or unique.

Do I have to do my homework?

I got in to a discussion with someone recently about something that is a “hot topic” to me in regards to parenting.  My husband and I have had this discussion in many forms over the years. When we were dating, when we were married before kids, and many times after having kids.  The scenario being what if a person (or child) is naturally very smart and quick to learn most things, is it okay for that person (or child) to take shortcuts and not do homework?  

So the person I talked to was telling me about a friend of hers who has a high schooler who just took the ACT, and without any preparation scored nearly a perfect score.  Also, this student gets average grades. And the reason being that the student doesn’t do any of the homework but gets A’s on all the exams. Understandably the parents are frustrated because they want their child to get good grades and they know that if the child just put some effort in to it, the child would be doing so much better.  The child’s reaction is that he/she knows all the material, so why waste time on homework?

My first reaction is that this kid should do his/her homework!  I mean it’s obviously not hard for this child to do it so it’s not a big deal and also because I really value diligence.  I think it’s important to teach kids to do “assignments” not just to practice the educational material but also to learn time management and problem solving.  It may be easy but there is always value in practice (IMO).

My second reaction is that this kid has a point.  Why waste your time when the point of homework is to help guide you through lessons and help you understand concepts.  If this student is absorbing all the material by just sitting in class or reading and can take exams and ace them, maybe it is annoying and a waste to be doing busy work.  I mean no one likes busy work?

When I discuss this topic with my husband we tend to disagree.  I am the homework person. I always did homework, did it ahead of time, and turned it in on time.  But was always not a good test-taker. I knew that too so the homework was a cushion to help improve my grades.  My husband is the total opposite. He learned early on that he didn’t need to do homework to pass the class so he would just take the exams, do well, and move on.

It’s hard for me to admit to myself that there isn’t one right way.  Being successful or productive in life doesn’t hinge on being able to do homework well.  There is a role and a position for all types of personalities out there. It’s hard as a parent to sometimes see beyond what your strengths and weaknesses are and to step back and look at the whole picture.  It’s our job to equip our kids with the tools they need for the future but it’s also up to them to figure out how they want to use them.